


The Sting

by Annissa



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-12
Updated: 2013-01-15
Packaged: 2017-11-25 05:42:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/635693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annissa/pseuds/Annissa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the Doctor dies leaving Rose on an alien planet far in the future, how will she cope?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is outlined on the Futurama episode of the same name. Their version is funny. Mine, not so much.
> 
> The Doctor, Rose Tyler, and the TARDIS are all the property of the BBC.
> 
> Big thanks to Yumimum for the beta!

Rose gasps for breath as her head breaks the surface of the water. The oyster-like creature she holds in her hand had been more difficult to pry up than she’d expected, and the merpeople congratulate her heartily with smiles and hand-gestures. They have no need to come to the surface until their job is done. They are perfectly capable of breathing both under the water and out of it. Rose marvels at how similar these gestures are, even though their respective species are so different. The Doctor has told her that they’re not really merpeople, but since even he cannot pronounce their species’ name properly, she feels no guilt calling them something else.

Rose had found it surprisingly easy to socialize with these people, despite their differences. They are a small species, standing roughly three feet tall, and their skin is a light shade of blue that reminds her of a clear mid-day sky. Their large eyes, small mouths, and lack of noses are reminiscent of the popular image of aliens on Earth, and lend the merpeople a cute, almost babyish look. They have two arms and two legs, but their hands and feet are webbed, and, combined with their ability to breathe underwater, make them excellent swimmers. 

As far as Rose can tell, the merpeople have no gender. She’s never heard any of them refer to each other as “he” or “she,” though she knows they’re familiar with the concept as they have referred to the Doctor and herself as such. She doesn’t feel comfortable calling the individuals “it,” but isn’t sure what else to call them. She hopes the TARDIS is compensating for her in the translation.

Rose carefully puts the hard-shelled little creature in the pouch at her waist with the others she has collected, takes a deep breath, and dives down for another. The water here is not too deep. In fact, her head is well above the water when she stands straight. The merpeople point her towards a clump of molluscs and she takes her knife and begins to pry at one of them. She manages to remove three from the rock before she needs to take another breath. She goes to the surface and when she wipes the water from her eyes, she notices the Doctor sitting on one of the logs along the rocky shore. She smiles and waves, and deciding she’s collected enough to feed more than just herself, she begins to swim for shore. He returns her gestures and continues his conversation with the leader of the merpeople.

The Doctor had declined to join her in the water and she assumes it’s because he doesn’t want to strip down to something more appropriate for swimming than jeans and a leather jacket. She has long since given up the idea that he will wear anything other than his standard uniform, though that hasn’t stopped her imagining what he might look like under all that cotton and leather. 

She removes the pouch from her waist and hands it to one of the merpeople waiting on shore for the divers. A group of them are sitting around a fire, opening the shells and pulling out the meat. The shells are saved and Rose notices that some are strewn around the feet of the Doctor and the leader of these people. The Doctor seems to be showing the leader something using a shell and the sonic. As she walks toward them, she sees the Doctor aim the screwdriver at the interior of the shell. She can hear the whine of the tool for a second and then it is silent. The Doctor tips the shell over a large stone bowl and large flakes of shiny nacre fall into a small pile. He reaches for another shell and repeats the process.

“What are you doing?” Rose asks as she sits down on the log beside him.

The Doctor looks pleased at her arrival. He gestures towards the leader of the merpeople and says, “Afonwil was just showing me how they remove the nacre from the shells for medicine. I think I can improve the process.”

“Medicine for what?” Rose ignores his bragging since he is unlikely to leave his sonic behind for them to use in his absence.

“For relaxation and sleep,” Afonwil says as it picks up a pestle and begins to crush the nacre into a fine powder. “We mix it with the seeds of the falway plant that grows on the far side of the mountain and sea water. There are a few other ingredients as well.” 

It pulls a small, clear bottle from the pouch around its waist and hands it to Rose. The solution in the bottle has the same look as the uncrushed nacre in the mortar. The holographic colors mix and re-separate as she swirls the bottle. “The effects are quite pleasant when administered properly. One swallow will help you relax and two will make you sleep. We call it twyline”

“What happens if you take three swallows?” Rose asks.

“You don’t wake up,” Afonwil says pleasantly.

This makes Rose a little nervous and she hands the bottle back to Afonwil. She asks hesitantly, “Nobody’s accidentally taken too much?”

Afonwil smiles and answers, “Most of our people find it difficult to get to the third swallow,” and Rose understands just how potent the twyline must be. “We don’t make it often. This is the last of our supply.”

She begins to comment on how lovely the liquid is, but is interrupted by a commotion nearby. The merpeople are running from the water. The circle of people by the fire look on in horror and Rose notices... something... roiling up the water. An enormous coil of tentacle rises above the water and Rose feels a frisson of fear run up her spine. 

There are still a few people in the water where it is too shallow to swim, but too deep to run. The resistance of the water is slowing their movements and making them easy prey for whatever it is they’re running from.

A merperson, small even for its own people manages to get out of the water, but trips on a stone and falls. It rolls over, but doesn’t get up and the others are too panicked to notice. Rose doesn’t think before acting. She runs to help. The Doctor’s shouts are unheard behind her.

She fights her way through the people running away from the roiling water to the fallen merperson. It’s when she reaches the water’s edge that the thing in the water emerges completely. Tentacles surround an enormous round mouth lined with rows of teeth, and a stinger incongruously protrudes from the backside of the worm-like body. It scuttles up the beach on crab-like legs. She freezes in horror as she realizes it is heading directly for her, tentacles waving, teeth gnashing, and stinger poised above it like a scorpion. She can hear the Doctor shouting her name now and she knows he’s running for her. She bends to pick up the little one, and just as she tucks it in the crook of her arm, the Doctor pushes her out of the way. She registers the thunk of the sea monster’s sting hitting the gravelly sand where the little merperson had fallen before she notices the pain where her head has hit a large rock. 

The Doctor points his screwdriver at the creature and it roars in outrage. It backs off slightly before lunging at the Doctor. He deftly dodges the attack, keeping the screwdriver pointed at the beast. 

Rose looks at the little person tucked in her arms and asks it if it is ok. It nods and she sets it on the ground and watches as it runs for safety. 

The Doctor hasn’t backed down, and keeps the sonic waves directed at the monster that is still poised to attack. It scuttles to the right and tries to grab the Doctor, who manages to avoid the tentacles and stomps on one with his right boot as it attempts to slither around his leg. The creature moves to the left and attempts to grab the Doctor again. This time it manages to grip him around the waist, pinning his left arm to his side. He adjusts the sonic with his right hand and points it at the creature. It’s body trembles and it shrieks, loosening its grip on the Doctor who manages to slip out of its grasp again. Before he is free of the tentacles, the creature squirms into a U shape and flicks its back end at the Doctor. The enormous stinger punctures the Doctor’s leather jackets and cuts a line across his belly. His face contorts in pain, but he doesn’t yell. He adjusts the screwdriver once again and holds it steady towards the creature. It screams and backs back into the water. The Doctor falls to one knee, but keeps the sonic going. The creature continues its retreat and is soon just some bubbles on the surface, far out to sea. 

Rose runs to the Doctor’s side just as he collapses. The wound in the Doctor’s belly is bleeding profusely and she presses her hands to it to staunch the flow of blood.

“I need bandages!” she shouts to the merpeople. A few run off and she hopes that they are getting some supplies.

“Rose,” the Doctor says quietly. “Rose, it’s poison. It’s moving too fast. I can’t...” The color is draining from his face, and even more frighteningly, from his eyes. “I can’t... I’m sorry, Rose.” His face is ghostly pale and his eyes have turned completely white with dark pinpoint pupils. The effect is terrifying, but Rose doesn’t have time to react. His eyes close and his chest stops moving. 

Rose shouts his name over and over, but he doesn’t react. His eyes don’t open and he lies still on the sand. She becomes aware of the merpeople moving around her. A couple take her by the elbows and help her stand and begin to walk her away from the Doctor. She can hear them trying to comfort her. 

“...was nothing you could do.”

“...happened so fast...”

A wave of nausea hits her and she falls to her hands and knees and empties the contents of her stomach onto the sand nearby. She feels light-headed and dizzy and can’t quite seem to get back to her feet. The merpeople are still tugging at her arms. They pull her away from the mess, but she doesn’t get far before her mind can take no more and she passes out.

***

Rose doesn’t want to wake up. It’s soft here. Comfortable and warm. She hears the waves crashing on the beach and remembers that she and the Doctor are visiting a planet that looks remarkably like Earth, but is inhabited by a species that looks only vaguely like herself. Merpeople, she remembers. Merpeople and... there were tentacles... teeth... a stinger!

She jumps and her eyes fly open. She is inside a hut lying on a soft mattress stuffed with plant matter. A fire crackles in the hearth in the center of the space allowing Rose to see small pictures painted on each of the five walls. One of the small, blue merpeople sits cross-legged next to the mattress. It looks startled at Rose’s sudden movement and quickly gets up and leaves the room.

Moments later Afonwil enters followed by another merperson. Their faces look somber and apologetic. “How is your head?” the other asks, moving Rose’s hair to take a better look at what she is sure is one hell of a lump. “You’ve been unconscious for a long time. We weren’t sure if this is normal for your species. There was a lot of red fluid. We cleaned it up. Will you be all right?”

“Where’s the Doctor?” Rose asks. She’s a little groggy and not sure why the merpeople would be caring for her headwound when the Doctor could heal it so easily.

Afonwil hesitates before crossing the room and kneeling at the foot of Rose’s bed. 

“He was very brave,” Afonwil says. “Do you remember? He saved you and he forced the haray to retreat, but...” It holds up its hands and spreads its three fingers wide, a gesture of sympathy. “He was stung. Even if we could have closed his wound, there is no cure for the poison.”

Rose stares in disbelief, waiting for Afonwil to tell her where the Doctor is and how he cured himself, a tale that will surely be retold for several generations because the things the Doctor can do can only be considered miraculous by a civilization with so little technology.

“The poison moved quickly. We think he felt very little pain.”

They sit in silence for several moments before Afonwil finishes, “We gave him a funeral fitting the most aged and wise of our people.”

Rose swallows hard, her head still fuzzy, and the shock of the news making it difficult to process. “No,” she says, deciding that this cannot be true. “No.” She gets up from her pallet and stumbles to the flap covering the door of the hut, the pain in her head far more intense now that she is moving. The bright light of the sun nearly makes her crumple in agony, but she is driven.

“Where is he?” she asks the first person she encounters. It looks shocked at first, but takes her gently by the hand and guides her to the center of the village where the remains of an enormous fire are being reverently gathered and placed in a large earthen container. 

She drops to her knees, too shocked to do anything but stare as the merpeople gather around her, trying to place their hands on her shoulders, back, and head. It is a gesture meant to share her grief and thereby reduce it, but they cannot know the extent to which she grieves. The Doctor is dead and with him, life as she knows it has ended as well. Not just the new, exciting life filled with traveling, danger, and fun, but the old life with trusted family and friends. There is no way back. This is it.

Afonwil is beside her again. 

“We will scatter his ashes on the far side of the mountain where the hysips grow. But we saved these. We thought you might want them.” It hands her the Doctor’s jacket. It is folded neatly and the sonic is set on top. “We tried to use the wand to remove more nacre from the shommen shells for you, but it does not work anymore. There is a noise, but the nacre does not loosen. 

Of course, Rose thinks. It was set for scaring off sea monsters, not nacre collecting. Rose accepts the jacket and sonic, and Afonwil continues, “We will make twyline for you, but it will take some time. Please be patient. We are with you and we share your grief.”

Rose holds the Doctor’s things close to her chest, and walks slowly back to the hut. A procession of small blue people follow behind her, but remain outside as she enters the shelter. When she is inside, she collapses on the soft mattress and finally cries. The merpeople raise their voices in a shared lament, the sound growing into a howl of sorrow. In the distance, the waves crash against the beach.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose begins having strange dreams about the Doctor.

Rose is cried out by the time she sees Afonwil again. She lays on her side on her pallet staring at the dying fire. Afonwil sets a large container down near Rose’s bed, stokes the fire, adding another log, then sits cross-legged next to her.

“I have made you some twyline,” Afonwil announces.

Rose begins to protest. She is not sure she wants anything to do with a medicine that can put you to sleep for the rest of your life, but Afonwil stops her.

“You need to rest. You need to heal. You may look different, but I suspect our emotions are the same. Any of us would react as you are reacting to this. Let us help you.”

She is so tired, but she knows she won’t sleep without help, so she agrees. 

“How will I know how much to drink?” Rose asks.

“Just take as much as you would if you were having a drink of water. One swallow will help you relax. Two will make you sleep.” 

The stoneware container Afonwil brought in is large for a merperson, but Rose can handle it more easily. She pulls the stopper from the bottle and lifts it to her lips. The twyline is cool and what little taste it has reminds her of the seaside. It warms in her belly and she instantly relaxes. The pain of her loss is still noticeable, but no longer completely overwhelming.

Afonwil looks relieved. “We weren’t entirely sure it would work. We’ve never had a... muman visitor before.”

“Human,” Rose corrects and she is slightly relieved that they are having as much difficulty with her species as she is with theirs.

“And your friend? What was he?”

Rose is surprised they are aware that the Doctor and Rose are different species.

“Time Lord,” she answers and that’s when it strikes her that the loss isn’t her own. He was the last of the Time Lords. The Universe will never see another. 

“We’ve never had one of those here before, either.” 

There is a silence between them that Rose can’t decide is comfortable or awkward. Finally she asks, “How did you know he wasn’t a human like me?”

“He smelled too different,” Afonwil replies. “Gendered species always have different scents between the sexes, but the difference was too much for you two to be the same species. Very complimentary, though. I expect that’s why you liked each other so much.”

Rose begins to offer a hesitant, “thanks,” but decides that is the wrong response to that statement and since she doesn’t know what the correct response is, she stays silent.

“It’s important to talk about him,” Afonwil finally says. “It will help.”

Rose nods, and while she would dearly love to talk about the Doctor, she doesn’t know where to start.

“What are the pictures on the wall?” Rose asks instead, eager for a distraction.

“Our homes carry the story of our people and our menans.” It sees the confused look on Rose’s face and clarifies, “Agemates.” Afonwil stands and indicates the pictures on one wall. “These pictograms are the story of our people. In the beginning, we lived only in the sea.” It points to a picture that shows the merpeople swimming. “But the sea was dangerous and predators picked us off, leaving our numbers small.” This pictogram shows a variety of nasty monsters, one of which with tentacles and a stinger. “Slowly, we were able to come out of the water and visit the land. We found that the land was safer than the water and offered a multitude of edible plants. Our numbers grew.” This pictogram shows the progression of merpeople leaving the waters and gathering plants. “But lately the predators are also gaining the ability to leave the water, and though we can sleep on land, we are still tied to the sea and need it to survive. Our numbers are still strong, but we have suffered losses.”

Afonwil moves to another wall where there are far fewer pictograms. “This is the story of the menans who were to live in this hut. Our people hatch in the shallow waters and come ashore immediately. Each group of menans share a bond and to lose a menan is to experience the deepest grief. When this group of menans hatched, there was a haray nearby. Only one of the group survived. The one you saved.

“Our people were devastated when the menans died, but the one you saved represents hope for all of us. We are eternally grateful to you for your selfless act.”

Rose closes her eyes and can feel the tears spill over. She thinks for a moment that she would trade the little merperson to the haray if it meant getting the Doctor back. The thought is like a knife through her heart. The guilt of wishing death on the little merperson in exchange for the Doctor erases the warmth of the gratitude Afonwil has shown her.

She can’t bear the thoughts any longer and says, “I think I’d like to sleep now.”

“Of course,” Afonwil say, motioning to the bottle. “We can talk when you wake.”

Rose takes another drink of the twyline and feels it begin to take effect almost immediately. She puts the stopper on the bottle and barely has time to put it down before her eyelids become too heavy to keep open and she sleeps.

***

She stands alone wearing a filmy blue gown on a cliff overlooking the sea. The rhythmic sound of the waves drown out the sound of the birds in the sky. She rubs her bare arms to warm them. The scenery reflects her emotions: cold and lonely. He walks up to her from behind and looks off into the endless horizon. She glances over at him.

“You’re dead,” she says flatly.

“Am I?” he answers, and his playful demeanor brightens their dreary surroundings just a little. “I expected the afterlife to be a little more non-existent. Still... explains this.” He lifts his jumper and because Rose knows there is an ugly, gaping wound in his belly, she can’t bear to look.

“There’s something for you in the TARDIS,” the Doctor says, smoothing his clothing back into place. “It’s something I’ve had laying around for a while, but I think you’ll find it useful. The TARDIS will help you find it.”

“A present?” Rose asks, looking up at him. She has that pleased, slightly giddy feeling she used to get when she was a child and someone gave her a gift. 

“Sure, you could call it that,” he teases.

“Can you tell me what it is?”

“Absolutely,” the Doctor says, the grin reaching his eyes. “There’s just one thing I need you to do first.”

“What is it?”

His smile fades. “Wake up,” he says gently.

She is confused for a moment, but quickly the scenery around her fades away. The last thing she sees is the Doctor’s blue eyes before she realizes that she is in her hut, the fire has died, and she is all alone.

 

The next morning, she searches for Afonwil. She doesn’t know anyone very well, but this doesn’t stop any of them from offering her bits of food to eat. She finds she doesn’t have much of an appetite and politely declines the offers. She eventually finds Afonwil in a circle of other merpeople, deep in conversation. However, when it notices her, it immediately leaves the others to join her.

“That twyline,” she starts. “Does it cause... strange dreams?”

“Dreams? I don’t think so. What are they?”

Rose is surprised by the question. This whole time these people had acted so much like humans. She finds it strange to have to define something so basic. “Sort of... stories your mind creates while you sleep.”

“Interesting!” Afonwil says, and seems to truly mean it. “Does that happen often? What are they about?”

“That depends,” she starts. “Last night I dreamed that the Doctor came to see me.” She feels a little silly talking about it out loud and is almost certain she is overreacting.

“Rose, the Doctor is dead. He cannot have seen you.”

“No, I know. Dreams... they’re not real.”

Afonwil seems relieved to hear Rose say this.

“He said there was something for me in the ship,” she continues. “That I needed to wake up and get it.”

“And do you think there is something there?”

“I don’t know. I feel like I should look, though. And the TARDIS...” she stops. She doesn’t know how to finish that sentence. Is the TARDIS aware that the Doctor has died? Is she grieving? 

“Well,” Afonwil says, noticing the break in Rose’s speech, “It sounds like you should go. Will you be leaving us then?”

“I...” Rose starts. For the first time she realizes she’s imposing on these people. She came for a short visit, but now there’s no way to leave. “I can’t leave. I can’t fly the ship.”

The sadness on Afonwil’s face deepens and Rose knows it understands just how serious Rose’s predicament is. “Go to the ship,” he says. “I will have someone tend to your fire and prepare you a meal. Come back when you can.”

Rose stops by her hut for the Doctor’s jacket and the sonic before she leaves the village. She feels, in a way, like she’s bringing the Doctor home. The walk to the TARDIS does not take as long as she thought it would, but then she shouldn’t be surprised. It seems the trip back to the TARDIS is always more hurried than the walk away from it. She enters the blue box and it’s almost as if she never left. It looks exactly the same. The console is still lit with a golden green glow and the ever-present hum is the same as when she and the Doctor left. She places the jacket and sonic reverently on the jumpseat, then takes a look around.

A cursory glance around the console room shows nothing out of the ordinary. She peeks into the galley and library as well, but there is nothing out of place. It occurs to her that she could search the TARDIS for the rest of her life and never see every corner and she feels silly and let down that she had pinned her hopes on a dream. 

She goes to her room. She’ll need a change of clothes at the very least before she goes back to the village. When she gets there, she pulls her rucksack from her closet. She pulls out clothes to last a couple days and tosses them across the bed. 

She’ll pack them in the bag later, but first, she wants a shower. The merpeople had done a good job getting the blood out of her hair, but she is still covered in a layer of salt from her swim. She strips, walks into the ensuite, turns on the water, and climbs in. She finds the warm water soothing, but can’t help the tears that begin to fall as she lets the water cascade over her. She presses a hand to the tile wall and whispers, “I’m sorry,” to the ship around her. There is no response.

Her grief is intense, but she has other problems to consider as well. Where is she going to live? How long can she impose on the merpeople? She can’t expect them to take her in as family; they barely know her. She’s also so different, nearly twice the height of the adults and an entirely different species. The hut they’ve loaned to her is built for people much smaller than her and while she fits on the mattress on the floor, it’s not particularly comfortable. Afonwil had said that they’d had other visitors. Maybe she could hitch a lift with one of them. Go somewhere a little more technologically advanced. Somewhere humans lived. Get a job. Live a normal life. The idea is absurd to her now. And then there is the TARDIS. Should she leave her behind? The Doctor said she was alive. How can Rose abandon her?

She shuts off the water and dries herself off. She hangs the towel and wonders when she’ll be back. She considers living in the TARDIS on this planet, alone, and the loneliness overwhelms her.

Back in her room, she dresses and packs her bag. When she is done, she finds she’s not quite ready to leave. She sits on the edge of the bed and sees her mobile on her side table. She considers calling her mum, but quickly rejects the idea. She’s not ready to face that conversation. Next to her mobile, she sees something out of place: a book. One she’s certain she’s never read. She picks it up and looks at the cover. It is dark blue, non-descript and says only, “Solaris.” It doesn’t look like the sort of book she’d normally pick up. Her heart leaps when she realizes this was it. This was the gift the Doctor told her about!

She throws the rest of her clothes and the book into the rucksack and throws it over her shoulder. If the Doctor is able to communicate with her, there is only one explanation. He is somewhere, somehow, still alive!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose's dreams become more vivid, creating a rift between herself and her hosts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The excerpt from the book is taken from the English translation of "Solaris," by Stanisław Lem.

Rose runs back to the village as quickly as she can and immediately looks for Afonwil. It takes her longer than she expected to find the leader of these people, but it eventually emerges from one of the huts alongside several other merpeople. 

“Afonwil!” she shouts and everyone in the group looks surprised. “Afonwil, I found it! I found the gift the Doctor told me about in my dream!” She drops the rucksack on the ground and begins to open it.

The group of people around Afonwil looks confused, but Afonwil has a grave look on his face. He tells his group that he will be back and approaches Rose as she rummages around in the bag.

Rose pulls the book out and holds it up. “This!” she shouts triumphantly. 

Afonwil takes the book and looks at it curiously. “What is it?” it asks.

“It’s a book,” Rose says, deflating a little.

“What does it do?” 

“It... it doesn’t really do anything. Tells a story, maybe?” 

“Like a dream, then?”

“Not exactly.” How can she explain the difference between a story book and a dream? She feels frustration beginning to set in. “It’s like... like the stories on the walls of your homes. Only sometimes the stories didn’t actually happen.”

“And is the story is this book real?”

The conversation is beginning to get away from her, so she tries to steer it back in the right direction. “Afonwil, I think the Doctor is still alive!”

The merpeople around them start whispering among themselves.

Afonwil offers Rose a hand and helps her get to her feet. The rucksack is nearly the same size as the merperson, but that doesn’t stop it lifting it by a strap and throwing it across its back. It pulls her towards the hut she spent the night in.

When they are inside, it tosses the book on the mattress, sets the bag down nearby and turns to face her. 

“Rose,” it says. “I can tell you with certainty that he died. You yourself saw him get stung, and were with him when he died. I watched his body burn in the fire.” Its voice is hard, but not unkind. “You need to accept this. You cannot heal until you do.”

“But you don’t know him!” Rose says, her voice cracking, but defiant. “You don’t know what he can do. The things I’ve seen him do!”

“I have seen death and I have seen grief. You make me fear I will soon witness it again.” This is all he says before he turns to leave.

A sob escapes Rose’s lips and she falls on the mattress. She picks up the book, the cover a blur through her tears. How is this supposed to help? She flips through the pages and stops at a random spot.

_“I felt myself being invaded through and through, I crumbled, disintegrated, and only emptiness remained.”_

She throws the book to the floor and stares at it. It falls next to the stoneware bottle containing the twyline. She doesn’t stop to consider before she lifts it to her lips and takes two swallows in quick succession. She barely has time to get back to her bed before she is unconscious.

 

She is again wearing the filmy dress, but this time she stands before an enormous frozen wave on the desolate shores of Woman Wept. The sound of waves in the distance confirm that she is dreaming. The water here does not move.

“I think I’m going mad,” she says.

“Would it help if I told you you’re not?” a voice says to her right. Her imagination fills in the rest of the picture - tall, dark-haired, blue-eyed, battered leather jacket - and suddenly, he is standing beside her.

She cracks a smile. “Maybe.” 

She shivers, and is annoyed at her subconscious for dressing her so poorly for this environment.

“Here,” he says, removing his jacket and wrapping it around her shoulders. “Looks like you need this more than I do.” He adjusts the collar so it fits snugly against her skin.

He feels so real to her. Before she can think about it, she reaches around him and hugs him tightly around the waist. She expects him to pull away, but he doesn’t. Instead, he wraps his arms around her and hugs her just as tightly.

“The merpeople don’t dream,” she says into his chest.

“Really?” the Doctor says. “That’s a first. I was beginning to think all sentient beings dreamed. It’s a big universe, though. Bound to come across at least one that doesn’t!” He moves his hand to her head and gently strokes her hair.

“How can I convince them that you’re real? That you’re alive?”

“Is it really them that you need to convince?”

She pulls away to look him in the eye. “What do I need to do?”

He places his hands on either side of her face and stoops just a bit to look her directly in the eye. “All you need to do is wake up.”

The effect of his words is like ice water on warm skin. She shouts for him to wait, but it is too late; the dream world dissolves. She is still shouting it when she bolts upright in her bed, the embers of her fire barely illuminating the pictures on the walls. She is so disoriented that it takes several moments for her to realize that the Doctor’s jacket is still draped around her shoulders.

 

It is still dark when Rose leaves her hut in search of Afonwil, the Doctor’s jacket clutched in one hand. Only a couple of merpeople are up and about, and it is one of them that points her in the direction of Afonwil’s hut. She knocks on the board next to the fabric that covers the entryway and waits. Afonwil pushes aside the material and invites her in immediately.

“Rose! Is everything all right?”

“He’s alive, Afonwil! The Doctor’s alive!” Rose practically shouts.

Afonwil’s face darkens. Literally. The light blue of his skin deepens and his eyes turn a stormy grey. “Rose, this is not healthy. You need to stop.”

“You think I’m mad, but I’m not! He gave me his jacket in my dream and I woke up with it!” She holds the jacket out as proof.

“Rose, that’s not a jacket.” Afonwil says. He gently takes the leather from Rose and shakes it out. It is a simple hide, soft and worn from use, but certainly not an article of clothing. “It is a bed covering. I have one, too.” He points at a nearby pallet where a nearly identical hide lays.

“But,” Rose stutters. “I was wearing it when I woke up!” 

“Have you taken the twyline again? You need to be careful. It seems to have a strange effect on your species. I’m beginning to wonder if it is causing your confusion.”

“I’m not confused!” Rose shouts. “I’ll prove he’s alive!” She storms out of Afonwil’s hut and back to her own. 

She looks around the space. She doesn’t belong here. She doesn’t know why she felt the need to prove anything to Afonwil or any of the merpeople. She is a visitor that has overstayed her welcome and it’s time she moved on. She decides to go back to the TARDIS and think about her next move. She packs up her things quickly and as she takes a final look around the room, she notices the bottle of twyline and tucks it into her rucksack as well. She throws the bag over her shoulder and leaves the hut for the last time.

Before she reaches the outskirts of the village, a little merperson approaches shyly.

“Are you leaving?” it asks in a piping voice.

“Yeah,” Rose confirms, but she doesn’t break her pace.

“I heard you say your friend is still alive. Is it true?” the little one shouts after her.

Rose stops and turns to look at the tiny person. She is quiet for a long moment while she thinks of how to answer. Finally, she asks, “What’s your name?”

“Haiwyn,” the little one answers with a slight whistle.

“You’re the one that fell when that monster attacked, aren’t you?”

Haiwyn nods, but doesn’t speak.

“Well, Haiwyn...” Rose pronounces the merperson’s name carefully. “I think he might be.”

“How?”

“When I take the twyline, he comes to me in my dreams. Sometimes he tells me where to find things. Sometimes he gives me things.”

“The twyline brings him back?” The eyes of the little merperson are huge and starry, like it is on the verge of tears.

“I don’t know.” Rose answers, shaking her head. “I just know that I’ve seen him and I’ve talked to him. I don’t know how, but I’m going to find him.”

No one else stops her as she leaves the village and she returns to the TARDIS quickly. She sets her rucksack down just inside the doors and looks around the console room, unsure of what to do next. She decides to take a walk. She’ll be here for a while, so she may as well start learning her way around the TARDIS’s complicated interior corridors.

She is amazed at the things she finds, though she knows she shouldn’t be. That the TARDIS is an amazing place isn’t news to her. She finds countless storage closets, bedrooms, a spare galley, something that looks very much like the console room except that it is white and rather plain, a swimming pool, and two different gardens, one filled with mechanical, wind-up rabbits. She begins to feel tired and lonely and heads back to the familiar console room. That is where she feels closest to the Doctor, and that is where she wants to be.

She notices the jacket folded neatly on the jump seat, exactly where she’d left it, with the screwdriver set on top and her stomach twists. She picks them up and sets them on the console and settles onto the jump seat. She stares at the time rotor. Time. She has all of it she needs now. There’s nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no one to see. The time stretching out in front of her seems interminable. She misses her mother, her friends, and most of all, the Doctor. 

As the tears tumble down her cheeks, she remembers the twyline. One swallow to help her relax, two to help her sleep, three to put her to sleep for the rest of her life. She quickly discards the idea of taking three drinks. It hasn’t come to that. It _won’t_ come to that. But... the other two times she’s taken it, she’s seen the Doctor in her dreams. She hopes he’ll give her another clue if she sees him again. It’s a comforting thought. She gets up and gets the bottle of twyline out of her rucksack.

As she walks back to the jumpseat, she pulls the stopper from the bottle and takes a swallow. The cool liquid slides down her throat and warms her belly. She feels instantly calmer. She takes a second drink and sets the bottle down on the console. The twyline works quickly and she sways a bit on her feet. She catches herself by grabbing a lever, but knocks the bottle over in the process, spilling iridescent liquid over the controls and the jacket.

Rose swears and quickly rights the bottle, salvaging just a little of the liquid inside, then turns to go to the galley to get something to wipe up the liquid. A bright light behind her stops her.

The liquid drips down over the controls and onto the grating below, only instead of iridescent, it now glows gold. She watches in amazement as the glow grows in size and becomes humanoid in shape. In a matter of seconds, it is too bright to look at and she shields her eyes with her arm as the console room explodes in light. It fades as quickly as it grew.

It takes a moment for her eyes to adjust to the relative darkness of the console room, but as they do, she notices a figure standing in front of the console. A nude figure.

It turns to her and in an unmistakable Northern accent says, “Rose, where are my clothes?”

Rose gapes at him. The Doctor. It’s impossible. She knows it is. She also doesn’t care. She runs for him and grabs him in a massive hug. He seems to be not at all shy about his clothing situation and hugs her tightly in return.

“I thought you were dead!” Rose cries, tears streaming down her cheeks. “They all told me you died!” She pulls away to look him in the face. Blue eyes, not white. “Why aren’t you dead? I saw you die. What happened?”

“I don’t know,” the Doctor says, but he says it with a grin. “Last thing I remember was heading out the door to visit Arwinian, planet of the Hwylmnanians.” He says it with a bit of a whistle that Rose knows isn’t quite how you pronounce the name of the people who live on Arwinian. “Lovely people! Can breathe under water!”

“You were attacked,” Rose says. She quickly explains what happened, but skips over her own head injury and the dreams she’d been having. She does tell him about the twyline and how she spilled some on the console. 

The Doctor turns to inspect the instruments, moving his jacket to the side, and runs his finger over some of the residue left from the spilled liquid. He tastes it and smacks his lips together. “Amazing!” he says. “This must have come into contact with some skin cells or hair that had fallen onto the console and mixed with the vortex energy to cause a spontaneous regeneration! It’s incredible! It’s even preserved my memories!”

He laughs and moves around the console, naming each of the controls as he checks for anything out of place, not caring in the least that he is completely undressed. Rose laughs in relief and joy and at the antics of the alien in front of her who looks indistinguishable from a human man. 

When he is certain that his memory is in place and his TARDIS is unhurt, he becomes still and looks at Rose. 

“Enjoying the view?” he asks, his eyes twinkling.

“Might be,” she answers, her tongue visible between her teeth as she grins.

“It seems to me that this is a bit unfair. You have me at a disadvantage.” He clasps his hands behind his back - the control panel the only thing protecting his modesty - and rolls back on his heels, grinning.

Rose blushes and is unsure what to do. He’s right, of course. She shouldn’t be staring at him when he has nothing to cover himself with. For the first time, she averts her eyes and starts to turn towards the corridor to her room.

“Don’t go,” he says.

She stands still, not looking at him, but no longer leaving, either.

“Come here.”

She slowly turns around and begins to walk towards him. When she gets close enough, he puts his hands on her hips. She looks up into his eyes and in the silence she is certain she can hear the waves of the sea crashing against the shore outside the ship.

He leans in close, not quite touching her ear with his lips, and whispers, “Tell me, Rose. What do you want?”

She shivers in his grasp and whispers, “You. I just want you.”

He runs his lips along her jawline. “Good.” One of his hands moves to the small of her back while he drags the fingers of the other up her spine and into her hair. He cradles her head in his hand and moves his lips to her mouth. 

She opens her mouth slightly and tastes his lips against hers.

He pulls away a little and says, “Rose, I’m not human. I need you to understand that it won’t be like it is with a human.”

“I don’t care,” she replies.

He gives her his manic grin. “Fantastic!” Then his grin fades and his eyebrows furrow. “But first, there’s one thing I need you to do.”

“What is it?” she asks. She is excited and happy, but she has a terrible sinking feeling in her gut.

“I need you to wake up.”

She looks at him in shock. The world has never felt more tangible. She can feel his hand in her hair and smell the subtle, sweet scent of his skin. His eyes are blue and vivid and impossibly real. Impossibly.

“But, no! This is real,” she sputters as the world around her, the impossible, wonderful, incredible world around her dissolves and she wakes on the hard grating of the console floor. 

She looks up and sees the twyline bottle sitting upright on the clean, dry surface of the console. She screams at the injustice of the dream and of a world where she is so close to what she wants and so very far from it at the same time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A question unasked leads to a word misused. Communication may be more than words, but the wrong word in the wrong place can lead to disastrous consequences. But just when hope seems lost, Rose finds it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is outlined from the Futurama episode of the same name. Their version is funny. Mine, not so much.
> 
> BIG thanks to yumimum for the beta!
> 
> Dedicated to fogsblue, for her enthusiastic and unwavering support. It means more than you know.
> 
> Thank you for reading.

Rose sits on the grating of the console room for a long time with the bottle of twyline in her hands. She doesn’t know for how long. She knows she should not use it again. It does more than just help her relax and sleep. The dreams are too vivid, bordering on hallucinations. Afonwil was right. She can’t keep on like this.

The feelings of guilt, sadness, loneliness, and betrayal consume her, but she feels no emotion more strongly than anger. Anger at herself for making the Doctor confront the haray, anger at the Doctor for leaving her with no way home, and anger at the merpeople for giving her the medicine that allows her to see the Doctor, but not be with him. 

Her skin feels itchy and her muscles twitch. She has to move. She stands and paces around the console.

She can’t stay on this planet. There really is nothing for her here. Staying in the TARDIS feels like living with a ghost. She’ll hitch a ride with the first alien ship that comes along to some other planet and make a new life. Maybe it won’t be so bad. Certainly no worse than living alone the rest of her life. The tears well up in her eyes again at thought of her meager options.

No. She’s done crying. She needs to grow up and move on. She is Rose Tyler and she can take care of herself. She wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand. First things first. Take the twyline back to Afonwil. Remove the temptation. Even if Afonwil is not willing to speak to her after her outburst, she’ll find someone she can give the bottle to. She grabs the bottle and marches out of the TARDIS.

She is baffled when the first people who see her run from her. She knows she’d behaved badly, but didn’t realize she’d offended these people so much. She tries not to let it bother her. If she can help it, she won’t be around them much longer.

Haiwyn is the first to approach her. She hands the little one the bottle of twyline and asks it to give the bottle to Afonwil. Haiwyn nods and runs away with the bottle. 

Rose turns to go back to the TARDIS. She can take a hint and knows when she’s not wanted. As she begins to walk away, she hears a familiar voice shout behind her.

“Rose!” 

Only one person says her name like that.

She gasps and turns, fully expecting a vision of the Doctor to match the voice she heard, but it is Afonwil. She sits down hard and tries to regain her breath.

“Rose, are you all right? The others told me you were coming. We’ve been worried. You were so upset when you left.”

Rose is amazed at these people’s kindness and generosity and her heart breaks just a little more in the face of it.

“No, I don’t think I’m all right at all,” she says and starts to sob.

Afonwil puts his hand on her shoulder and Rose remembers the gesture from that horrible day. Sharing her grief.

“I’m happy when I’m asleep because I can be with him, but it doesn’t last. I wake up and he’s gone and there’s nothing for me here and I don’t know what to do!”

Afonwil simply sits down next to her. She doesn’t know what she expects it to say to her, what words of comfort it can offer. That things are ok? They’re not. That they will get better? They won’t. In the end, Afonwil doesn’t say anything at all. It just keeps its hand on her and keeps her company and Rose finds that it is the perfect response. 

She closes her eyes and begins to feel calmer and more grounded. She embraces the pain and finds it isn’t as blinding as it was on that first day. In that revelation, she sees that first tiny light of hope. Things are bad now, but that doesn’t mean they will always be bad. The universe is still here and this is a time period in which she can still explore its wonders. Her time with the Doctor was short, but she learned so much from him. Maybe she can take those lessons and share them with others. And in that way, maybe the Doctor can live on through her.

A scream pierces the air and Rose is pulled from her thoughts. She and Afonwil stand and search for the source of the noise. There are several more shouts and soon a large group of merpeople approach, all of them shouting too loud for Rose to discern the words. The normally light-blue skin of each person is now a dark, pulsing purple and they are all staring at her with angry eyes.

Afonwil, its hand still on Rose’s arm, looks every bit as shocked as Rose feels.

“What happened?” Afonwil asks and Rose can feel its hand trembling.

“Haiwyn is in the death sleep,” one of the people in the front snarls. It points a hand at Rose and Rose notices for the first time the sharp claw-like nails on the ends of each of the three fingers “She is the one who supplied the twyline!”

Afonwil pulls its hand away from Rose. 

“Is it true? Did you give Haiwyn the twyline I made for you?” Afonwil pulls away and stands in front of the other merpeople. Rose is left to face the angry group alone.

“I was just returning it!” she insists.

A person standing to Afonwil’s left interrupts. “Haiwyn added to the menans’ history. It shows her,” the merperson points at Rose, “supplying the twyline and Haiwyn emptying the bottle to rejoin the menans who died.”

“Rose,” Afonwil says. “You didn’t say anything about your dreams, did you?” His skin starts to darken and his eyes turn gray. “Because Haiwyn would not know that they’re not real.” His voice grows angrier..

“I’m sorry,” Rose whispers.

“I told you to be careful!” Afonwil shouts. “I told you to let him go! We tried to help you! Your carelessness cost us the last of an entire generation!”

They’re all baring their teeth and the nails on the ends of their fingers grow longer and more clawlike as the seconds pass.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know it would drink the twyline!” she shouts back.

There is a collective intake of breath. Afonwil, darker than Rose has ever seen it, seeths. “Haiwyn was not an _it_. Is that what you think of us? Are we ‘it’ to you? Are you not aware that we are people.” 

The crowd begins to snarl and seconds later the first rock comes hurtling toward her. She ducks it, but more quickly follow. The Doctor isn’t here, but she knows about this part. She turns on her heel and runs for the safety of the nearby woods.

The merpeople follow her, shouting, growling, and throwing small rocks and sticks. In her panic, she doesn’t notice which direction she is running, and though she expects to see the TARDIS any second, it never appears. 

The landscape shifts and she is soon running up a steep hill. Her legs burn and she wishes the hill would level out. Her back stings from the thrown rocks and a small stone has connected with the back of her skull near the older headwound. Her head spins and her lungs can’t seem to pull in enough air. She feels as if she is running through jelly. She pumps her legs as fast as she can, but they can’t move fast enough.

She runs out of the woods sooner than she expects into a clearing and notices the ground ends just ahead of her. She stops short just before running straight off a cliff into the sea. She knows this place. This was the cliff in her dream. There is nowhere else to run. She turns and watches as the angry merpeople reach the top of the hill and block her only exit. 

“You have taken advantage of our hospitality. You have offended our people. And you have destroyed the last of a generation. This cannot go unanswered.” 

Rose can barely hear Afonwil over the sound of the waves below. She looks behind her shoulder and assesses the drop. If it were a straight drop into deep water, she might have a chance, but the water is shallow and large rocks are scattered far out from the shore. 

She looks back at the people before her as they creep closer, teeth and claws bared and ready to bite and slash. She can’t believe these are the same, peaceful people she swam with just days earlier. Though she is scared, she feels there is something inevitable about this, as if she was expecting it all along. She closes her eyes and waits for the first sting of a cut or push over the edge.

“Rose!” she hears a deep voice shout from far behind the merpeople. She opens her eyes and sees a tall man with dark hair running toward her. She quickly rejects any thought that he might be real this time. She has a moment to think how odd he looks without his jacket before she is pushed from the cliff.

The fall seems infinite and the skin along her spine prickles as she waits to hit something, be it water or rock. She knows it will hurt either way and she hopes the end is swift. She is surprised when she hits the water and slices through it easily. The slap of water against her skin stings and the shock of it causes her to inhale a mouthful of water and she panics, limbs thrashing, trying to scream, but unable to do so through the water in her lungs and all around her. Her eyes are open, but her vision begins to go dark. She tries to swim to the surface, but no matter how far she swims, she can’t seem to reach it. Soon, her vision is completely gone. She goes still. Her ears are filled with the sound of the water moving around her, but the sound isn’t dull and muffled as she expects. It’s the sound of waves against the shore. It’s peaceful, she decides and she allows herself to be carried on the current, floating and listening to the waves. It’s as if they are speaking to her, as if they’ve always been speaking to her. 

“Wake up, Rose,” they seem to say. “Please wake up.”

This time, when she wakes, it is not with a start, but with slow, deliberate effort. Her limbs are heavy and it is with great force of will that she opens her eyes and focuses on the man sitting next to her.

He looks almost the same. His hair is cropped short and his eyes are a vivid blue, but he seems more tired than she’s ever seen him and his forehead is lined with worry. It’s when she looks him in the eyes that his expression changes from worry to cautious relief. 

“There you are,” he says, though she has no idea what he’s talking about. “Don’t move,” he continues, as if she had the option. He gets up quickly from the chair and checks a few monitors and printouts that surround her bed. 

She’s in the TARDIS infirmary, she realizes, though she has no idea how she got there or why. Luckily, her energy is starting to return to her and she croaks out, “Wha...” 

“You’ve been unconscious for three days,” the Doctor says quickly, and she knows from his curt manner that he is angry.

Rose clears her throat and asks, “What happened?” This time her words come out more clearly.

“You hit your head and lost consciousness. I brought you back to the TARDIS and healed the concussion, but you didn’t wake up.”

“No, that can’t be right. I watched you die.”

The Doctor sits back in his chair. “Say that again?”

“You died. You got stung and died!” Rose feels the prickle of oncoming tears.

“I didn’t die, Rose. I’ve been here. I never left you.” He pauses before continuing. “It was my fault. I pushed you out of the way. I thought Stonnent was trying to hurt you.”

“Stonnent?” Rose asks, confused.

“The bloke with the tentacles,” the Doctor clarifies, wiggling his fingers in front of his mouth. “He was lost and trying to find his way to a village on the other side of the peninsula. His people and the Hwylmnanians have a close relationship.”

“That can’t be true, Doctor. The merpeople were running away from the haray! They were scared!”

“The haray?” the Doctor mutters and something in his brain seems to click. “Rose, tell me what you think happened.”

Rose recounts the past few days, starting with the haray attack and finishing with her fall from the cliff. She mentions the dreams, the book she found, and waking up wearing the Doctor’s jacket. She glosses over the nearly erotic dream, too embarrassed to admit she’d had such thoughts.

“Those human brains,” the Doctor muses, a small smile on his lips. 

He reaches over to a nearby table and holds up a book. The cover is dark with a portion of a mechanical sphere covering the top and the blue sphere of a planet covering the bottom. In the center it says, “Solaris.”

“I’ve been reading it to you.” He leans forward in his chair, pressing the book between his hands and fiddling with the pages with his thumb. “Stonnent’s people communicate through the appendage on the back of their bodies. Looks like a stinger. They touch it to the abdomen of the Hwylmnanians and talk telepathically. I misread Stonnent’s intentions. So did you. It reminded me of this book. Learn every language in the universe, translate the rest, and sometimes things are still misunderstood. Sometimes communication isn’t possible at all.”

“How do you know all this?” Rose wonders.

“Afonwil came to check on you. Frequently, actually. Nice people, the Hwylmnanians. Not too keen on being in here, though. I was surprised when Afonwil came back.”

Rose tries to block the last image she has of Afonwil, all teeth and claws from her dream, and remember the leader of the merpeople as the kind person she first knew. 

“How much of my dream was the book?” she asks.

“Dunno,” the Doctor answers simply. “But it seems as if a lot more was getting through to you than I expected.”

Rose takes the book from the Doctor and flips through the pages, curious about how it has influenced her dreams, wondering how much was someone else’s ideas and how much was her own.

Rose puts the book down and laughs bitterly. “It’s so stupid!” she exclaims. She is still stressed from her dream, but the relief of having woken up is making her feel silly for being so emotional about it.

“Don’t look down on fiction, Rose. You humans can learn a lot from it.”

Confused for a moment, Rose quickly understands that the Doctor has misinterpreted her outburst. She is, however, too tired to correct him and lets him continue.

“Human beings are too skeptical when presented with facts. You always look for arguments and holes in theories. But fiction! When you’re presented with fiction, you willingly believe whatever you’re told. Suspend your disbelief and your minds open to all kinds of ideas. Take those ideas and apply them to life.” The Doctor taps the book in Rose’s hand. “Next time a tentacled being comes out of the water, I won’t be so quick to believe he’s there to hurt anyone. How about you?”

Rose considers his words, but her thoughts are interrupted when the room dips slightly onto its side, nearly tipping Rose out of the bed and the Doctor out of his chair. The lights shift to mauve and the Doctor is on his feet in a flash running towards the console room. Rose follows at a slower pace. She feels okay, and she’s apparently been healed of the head wound that knocked her out, but she’s still a bit shaky on her feet. 

When she arrives in the console room, the lights have returned to their normal golden green glow and the Doctor is mostly hidden from view beneath the grating of the ship’s deck.

“Everything all right?”

“Will be in a mo!” he shouts. “I just need to reconnect the wires for the spatial capacity stabilizers and then all will be...” The lighting dims to near black. Rose hears the whine of the sonic and the tool throws more light than she knew it was capable of producing. “Actually, this might take longer than expected.” He looks at her apologetically. 

“S’ok,” Rose says. “I can occupy myself for a little while.”

Whatever is happening in the console room doesn’t appear to be affecting the rest of the ship. She leaves the console room, makes a quick stop by the infirmary, and continues on to the library. Rose wanders through the stacks for several minutes, countless books towering over her in tidy rows, contemplating the stories each one has to tell. Eventually, she settles onto a comfortable couch and runs her hand over the paper cover of the novel she picked up from the infirmary. She once again looks at the wealth of information surrounding her, the knowledge of lifetimes just waiting to be absorbed. Then she opens the book and begins to read.


End file.
